Listen you. In these trying economic times, it’s hard to sidle up to the dairy shelf in a packed supermarket and buy frivolous cheese products. And yet I persevered, even under the glare of that prune-mouthed granny who gave me the hairy eyeball as if I were Jacob Zuma throwing a 7-million rand inauguration party instead of just *looking* at some slightly overpriced Simonsberg Cream Cheese. I persevered, and as soon as she’d turn the corner to the reduced baked-good section, I grabbed that cheese and shoved it under the extra 20% cereal box. It took stealth, strength of character and a lot of bulky groceries to get that prized item from the trolley to my fridge without being noticed. I worked hard dammit!
What’s a girl to do? Too many days have I suffered in silence, staring at plain Provitas in my desk-drawer, berating myself for having nary a smidgeon of something pasty and tasty to spread on said crackers. Sure, I have a jar of pumpkin and sunflower seeds to snack on, but I’m not a mutant for cheese’s sake, have some empathy! This was going to work, nothing like that incident with the Biltong-flavoured Melrose Cheese spread last year, I promise.
I was going to eat that Cream Cheese.
And I did! For four mid-mornings in a row I nibbled delicately upon Lite Crackers covered with smoked ham-flavoured Cream Cheese, and I won’t lie – it was bliss. And then…
This morning arrived to a considerably more empty tub than I had left the day before. Curse that communal work fridge of treachery! No, I cannot blame the fridge, it is new, it hasn’t learned ‘the way’ yet. But you! You thief! Snootily breezing by us weaker buyers in supermarkets, your trolley rattling with ‘only the essentials, mind you’, nary an overpriced delicacy in sight – you had a craving for the illicit, didn’t you? Eating from someone else’s tree, hmm?
Well, you’ll suffer for your deviant behaviour, my friend. You see, I’m going to buy another tub of that Cream Cheese, and this time, I’m going to leave it in the fridge… unopened.
That’s right. Let’s see you sneak a free lunch past vacuum-sealed-for-freshness-foil!
Muwahahahahaaa!
So enjoy your last pickings, next week you will receive your come-uppance… But no more.
There’s a container of yoghurt in the fridge that may or may not be mine..
Someone brazen enough to take from the open container will probably have no problem opening the closed container. Vacuum-sealed cream cheese is unlikely to foil the hardened criminal. They will say “ooo, look, a whole container this time!” and dig in with a spoon.
So: get a container of cream cheese. Empty it out into something else for yourself. Fill empty container with paste, like kids use in elementary school and are always eating? That stuff. Maybe mix it with some salt and stuff to alter the smell.
You, Gregory, are a devious man with devious ideas… I love it! Homemade flour-paste, now that should solve the problem..
Ah siestog shame man pampoonie.
This is what i did i res: i got myself one of those material lunchboxes, ones with zips. then got a lock. packed the lunchbox FULL of yummy goodies, showed it off to the world, and then locked it all up, and stuck it in the communal fridge.
Sure, you get a couple death stares, but at leas your tummy loves you.
Dude, MUTEMATH? I got it from u, only listened to them now… SO COOL!!! Loving the vibe
xx
Lol, a locked box in your fridge, now that’s novel!